Child and Parent Occupational Wellness

Your Baby's Brain Map

Zero to Three (www.zerotothree.org) is a great website for parents and professionals about infant and toddler development.  After registering for free on the website, one can download articles and receive emails with new information and cutting edge research on infant development.  One of the most interesting things they offer is something called the Baby Brain Map.  On this, you can click on a certain developmental age group and see a picture of the brain.  Different areas are highlighted -- for example -- language, cognition, social-emotional, motor skills, etc.  After clicking on one of these, you can read a short description of exactly what is going on in your child's brain at that age, as well as read tips for what you can do to facilitate development.

The Positive Power of Touch - Research Studies & Videos about Infant Massage

      

The art of infant massage provides special ways to bond with your baby/child.  It is never too late to begin massaging your child.  Touch is our most powerful sense.  It is the first sense to develop in utero and it is used for the rest of our lives.  The calming power of touch cannot be underestimated when soothing a colicky baby, relieving teething pains, or just as part of a daily routine with your child that provides you both with connection, stress reduction, and a myriad of physical benefits. Tiffany Field, Ph.D. is the director at the Touch Research Institute at University of Miami School of Medicine.  She has been the leading researcher on the benefits of touch therapy.  She has conducted all kinds of studies that report the benefits of touch/massage in all types of individuals, from premature infants, to drug-exposed babies, to children with autism, and senior citizens.  For an easy-to-read list of the results of each study, click here: Massage Therapy Studies- Touch Research Institute

To learn more about the art of infant massage, The Loving Touch Parent-Infant Massage Program,  its technique, and benefits, click here to view a selection of videos:

Infant Massage Videos, International Loving Touch Foundation

Halting Hyperparenting

A few months back (see Are We Overscheduling Our Kids?) I wrote about how parents must be aware as to whether or not they are overscheduling their children and as a result, negatively affecting their family dynamics and childrens' happiness and development.  In it I mentioned some tips from Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist who is an expert on this topic. 

Today I happened to come across someone else's recent blog post about the same topic - hyperparenting- and how she stopped doing it.  It is a heartfelt, motherly post about realizing what's truly important in family life and even moreso, in making sure that your child is allowed to just "be a kid", because they only get to do it once. 

Click here to read this post: Life Practice: Hyperparenting

Is It Safe to Post Our Kids' Photos on Facebook or Other Social Networking Sites?

Discussion has recently surfaced among friends of mine who are parents over whether or not it is safe to post your children's photos on social networking sites such as facebook or myspace.  In the age of internet, many people are using social networking sites to get in touch with old friends, keep up with information about close friends and family members, or even to network among other people who share the same careers or interests.  While many of these sites offer privacy settings, parents should be wary of what kind of information they post about their children, whether it be photos, names, or whereabouts.  Reasons for this center mostly on safety for the child and the fact that the child really has no say in the matter (until he or she reaches an age to argue his/her point).  Even though many sites provide security settings, parents must remember that things are never 100% secure on the internet, as much as we'd like them to be.  There are people out there who know how to hack into systems and steal personal information.  There are people looking to steal identities and harm children. If an unauthorized person were to get access to a child's photo, they could easily download it, print it out, and even pick up details from the background (such as location), or worse, the child's name if it was labeled.  Secondly, babies and young children are unable to advocate for themselves whether or not they want their picture included on the public domain.  It is the job of parents and adults to make this decision and then take all the necessary steps to protect the privacy of their child if they choose to share photos online, such as using password protection and keeping the photos available to only a select group of people who one knows.  This may include having a password protected photo album and having a security setting that prevents information from "leaking" to all social contacts that an album has been updated (unless, of course, you want everyone to know about it).  Someday that baby or young child will be a teenager, then an adult.  Parents should stop and think whether or not it might matter to the child as an adult whether or not his/her pictures are on a social networking site.  Or, of course, one can choose to constantly update and delete information as time passes.

Parents and adults who post pictures of children should be aware of posting pictures of children who are not their own (ie. nieces, nephews, children of close friends, etc.).  Parents have different views on privacy and protection of their children.  However, parents also have the right to know if their child's picture is being used somewhere, since they are ultimately in charge of that child.  While you may be able to control your OWN privacy settings on your profile (in terms of who can see your photos, etc.), you cannot control the privacy settings of "your friends" ie. social contacts on these sites.  So, by allowing photos to be available to certain people, you still run the risk of those photos being able to be downloaded and added to a friend's profile, for all of their "friends" to see.  Many sites also have a "share" option, which allows you to share specific photos with your contacts, whether they are your own photos or from someone else.

Lastly, photos are able to be "tagged" -- that is, you can label people with their names, so that when you are looking at the photo, the name of the person will show up on them as you navigate your mouse over the photo.  This is another security risk for children, as their photos could be on multiple people's sites with their names labeled on them.  And again, if someone "tags" you in a photo, you can usually "untag" yourself so that nobody sees your name (if you have an account on the site).  However, if someone labels your child in a photo, all you can do is ask the person who did it to undo it.  But by then, your child's picture and name could have been seen or downloaded by multiple people. This is one of the scarier subjects to tackle on this topic, because we all have friends who have photos of us and our children, and vice versa.  Some people may not have an account on a social networking site, while their friends may.  There is always the chance that someone you know may have photos of you and your family posted on their site without you knowing.  Even if they are a close friend of yours, how comfortable are you with the fact that your children's pictures may be "out there" for other people to see -- people you DON'T know?

If you are going to post a child's photo on a site:

• Be sure to not label their name, or at least use only their first name, or initials.
• If the child is not yours, take extra precaution to protect their privacy by keeping their photo available to only relevant people (in other words, not to the friend from grammar school who you haven't seen or spoken with in 15 years who recently contacted you and lives 2,000 miles away).
• Speak with the parent of the child to make sure that they know their child's photo has been posted, or ask them in advance for permission.  Some parents may not post their own children on their own personal profile sites for privacy reasons, and therefore would probably not feel comfortable with their children's pictures being on someone else's profile, out of their control.
• Lastly, as stated earlier, it is impossible to control what other people post on their profiles.  One can only take precaution by talking to friends about it and asking them to be responsible with photos of your children by keeping them as private as possible from strangers and irrelevant social contacts.

Of course, as the children of today grow older, they will probably want to join one of these social networks as well.  Parents can take precautionary measures with their children by navigating the sites with them and helping them to set it up while teaching them not to give away too much personal information.  The internet is not going to go away, so the best thing parents can do is learn about it and teach their children the best they can about how to conduct and protect themselves online. Following are three links that I found helpful on this topic:

Are Your Child's Photos Safe Online? - Simple facts about information you put into cyberspace and protecting children.

Keeping Your Child's Privacy Safe on Facebook - Guidelines for teaching your children safety on social networking sites.

The Impact of Social Networking Tools and Guides to Use Them - An interesting article from a legal perspective about how personal information you post can be accessed, researched and used as a background check by employers, schools, etc.  In other words, be careful what you write about yourself and whether or not this information could be a hindrance to your goals in life such as schools and jobs.

The Repetitive Movements of Motherhood

I am sure there are plenty of moms out there who share my belief and experience that it is incredibly difficult to get yourself back on the exercise bandwagon after your baby is born.  For me, it is something that in general I have always enjoyed -- keeping in some kind of "fit" form, but at no time is it more difficult than after you give birth.  On top of that, I tend to "reward" myself for "bringing a new life into the world" by treating myself to goodies (mmmm....brownies a la mode, anyone?).  There is no arguing that getting started is one of the toughest things to do.  Let's face it -- recovering from delivery and caring for a newborn takes a physical toll on our bodies, as well as psychological.  Though we are burning lots of calories during everyday tasks with our infants (especially if you are breastfeeding), the movements and positions that our bodies are in can become repetitive over the weeks and months.  First and foremost, our abdominal area is weakened from the 9 months of pregancy itself.  If you had a C-section delivery, you then have to deal with the healing of the incision and muscle weakness that accompanies that.  Because of the weakness in our abdominals, our lower backs are at risk for strain from muscle imbalance (strong back muscles, weak abdominals).  This is important to be aware of, since it is these torso muscles that give us our stability for movements of our limbs.

Secondly, the walking back and forth, bending up and down, lifting the baby, holding the baby on one side, preparing bottles, changing diapers, breastfeeding, and many more tasks -- all can lead to "static positioning".  Over time, our bodies become tight in other areas due to lack of mobility and the constant pulling, tugging and muscle strain in the primary areas we use during our day for childcare. At times I felt like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz, stuck in some areas.  I liken it to what can happen to the worker who is in an office job: something called repetitive stress injury.  For example, someone who sits at a computer all day long for their job using a mouse, typing, etc. can be at risk for certain upper extremity repetitive stress injuries that can affect the fingers, wrists, or entire arms.  There could be nerve impingement (as in carpal tunnel syndrome) or arthritic developments within the joints that are used repetitively in the same motions/positions. 

The everyday demands of newborn care can take their toll on our upper backs, lower backs, wrists, and necks.  Each woman could have different symptoms based on her unique style of carrying a baby, changing, feeding, etc.  For me, I tend to curl my shoulders inward towards my chest while cuddling a baby and nursing.  Over time, I have noticed that my chest muscles are contracted and my upper back and shoulder muscles are overstretched, leading to rounded shoulders (which us women want to prevent, especially as we age and become more at risk for osteoporosis) and neck discomfort.  It is very important that we take the time we need to care for ourselves so that we can be our best for our children and enjoy the occupation of motherhood.  Though there is a lot of information out there recommending exercises for new moms, here are some that really helped me, and don't take a lot of time or energy (very good for those early weeks and months when sleep seems to be an unknown).  Of course, if you think you are suffering from a severe weakness or injury, contact a physician immediately and get checked out.

1. Just lay flat on your back for 10-15 minutes a day! -- Grab an exercise mat or a soft blanket, lay flat on your back on the floor and let gravity do its work.  Allow yourself to "melt" into the floor.  Once relaxed, do some deep breathing and move your limbs, stretching your arms up and out.  You will feel a stretch in your chest muscles.

2. Shoulders back and down -- Throughout the day, try to remind yourself to keep your shoulders back and pulled down towards the floor.  Do some shoulder rolls backwards to allow the shoulder girdle joint to get some mobility in all directions, not just the ones used in picking up and putting down your baby.

3. Neck Stretches -- Try to tilt your head to each side (ear to shoulder) a few times a day to allow your neck muscles to stretch out.  Relieving that tightness can many times relieve any neck pain you may be experiencing due to uneven muscle pull/strain on the neck vertebrae.  Of course, if you are experiencing severe neck pain, see a doctor or chiropractor.

4. Practice good body mechanics- Remember to practice good body mechanics and positioning during your daily tasks/occupations.  When lifting the baby, don't allow too much strain on your thumbs, because this can lead to wrist pain.  During lifting and placing of the baby, keep him/her close to your body so that your core muscles can do the work and you do not strain your back.  Bend at the legs, not at your waist.  Use a pillow to support your arm while bottle-feeding.  Use a nursing pillow to support the baby and your upper body during breastfeeding. 

5.  Avoid sudden movements - Don't forget that pregnancy/birth hormones are still flowing strong in your body after you give birth.  These have a relaxing effect on muscles and ligaments, so beware of sudden movements that could easily strain your muscles or overstretch them.

The Great Balancing Act

About 3 months has passed since my last post.  In that time, I gave birth to my 3rd daughter and have been adjusting to life as the alpha female of a family of 5.  Though many men and women become mothers and fathers (some of only one child, some of many more), it can never be underestimated as to the immense adjustment it is, no matter how many children one has.  As wonderful an experience as it can be, it is challenging to find a "balance" in life between being parents, spouses/partners, workers, friends, and everything else that comes along with being part of life and society.  It is important to be organized and aware of oneself and the needs that must also be met to take care of yourself.  When we, as parents, are running around, caring for children, dressing, diapering, bathing, feeding, transporting, listening, playing, etc. it is easy to forget to chisel out even just 15 minutes for ourselves.  And throw on top of that the housework, cooking, grocery shopping, a job outside the home, or school, and adult relationships to maintain/nurture.  It can all get very hectic!  It is "easy" to say that you'll take time for yourself, and "easy" to advise others to do the same, but it's actually very difficult to "do", because when there is a new addition to the family, the truth of the matter is there barely is any time for the primary caregiver, usually the mother.  Something always comes up, whether it's a diaper change, an emergency bath, an accident, or your toddler vomiting on the floor because they are sick!  Now that my youngest is almost 4 months, things are settling down a bit in terms of a predictable schedule for feeding, naps, etc.  However, those early days and weeks of the amazing newborn are some of the most demanding of our lives.  Who can forget those LONG nights of being up feeding/consoling your newborn?   It can be incredibly frustrating when you are dead tired and everyone else in the family is sleeping around you.  If you have more than 2 children, finding even just 20 minutes during the day to catch up on your sleep is virtually impossible if you are on your own. Keeping a positive attitude and "biting the bullet", so to speak, are just what we have to do to get through it.  Of course, having a supportive partner and some help is a great asset.  But with help or without, we have to keep reminding ourselves that this demanding adjustment is usually only for the first few months and sooner or later things will settle down.  No matter how stressed and tired we are, we have to take some time for ourselves once in a while in order to "recharge" our mind, spirit, and physical self.  By doing this, we do a service to both ourselves and our children.  A mother and father who are calm, relaxed, and refreshed are able to offer more of themselves to their children in the long run.  So, moms and dads out there--take some time for yourself when you can, and accept help if it comes your way.  Be positive and keep reminding yourself that things will settle down soon enough.

Are We Overscheduling Our Kids?

With so many choices out there in society, it can be difficult to choose which activities and how many to put our children in.  Of course, these choices are greatly affected by a child's age, family income, time constraints, and family dynamics.  It seems that anywhere one looks as a parent, there is information flying at you telling you how to "make your child smarter", or "give your child an advantage" by putting them into different activities.  No doubt that some activities are great for children.  Aside from teaching them a specific skill such as a musical instrument, dance, or gymnastics, for example, these kinds of activities also promote social development, self confidence, and friendship. 

The problem in today's society is that parents can easily fall into the "more is better" trap.  That is, they want their child to be a part of as many different "extracurricular" activities as possible.  What some people forget is that a child also needs downtime in their life, just as adults do.  Children need time and space to just play, be home, and explore for themselves.  I think that as parents, we can allow ourselves to be pressured at times into putting our children into things even when we don't feel 100% comfortable with it.  It may be due to societal pressures, or pressures from other parents who push their children into a myriad of activities.  Parents also feel that the world is so competitive that if they give their child a "headstart", it will benefit them greatly later in life (which could be true, if done the right way).  A friend of mine recently felt guilty that her daughter, who is 4 years old, was not going to be able to continue her gymnastics class because she was going to be in school until 4pm everyday.  I tried to remind her that though she would not be going to the gymnastics class, her daughter's day would now be filled with other activities during her school day.  Schedules change and children grow; there will be other times to take a gymnastics class again.

Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld is an expert in child psychiatry and a co-author of the book: The Overscheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyperparenting Trap.  He recommends the following fundamental principles to assist you in making decisions that will work best for your family regarding this issue.

• Limit activities
• Develop Healthy Skepticism
• Give Yourself a Break
• Family is a Priority
• Buyer Beware
• Character Counts
• Be Unproductive
• Childhood is a Preparation, not a Performance
• Pleasure has a Place in Parents' Lives
• Pleasure has a Place in Kids' Lives, too!
• Leave Empty Spaces on Your Calendar
• There is no Single, Right Way to Parent
• Trust Yourself

For more in-depth explanation of these principles and to learn more about hyperparenting/oversheduling children, click on these links: How to Avoid the Hyperparenting Trap and Hyperparenting: the Overscheduled Child, Brown University Newsletter April 2001

I am a proponent of organized activities for children.  Especially in this day and age, when parents are fearful of letting their children play unsupervised outside, it is wonderful to have such choices of kids' activities out there.  However, one must know their child well and read their cues.  Some children can handle more than others.  Some children enjoy doing lots of different activities, while others may tire of it, become uninterested, and withdraw.  The biggest key is monitoring your child's happiness.  Don't forget that downtime at home can be fun, relaxing, and healthy.  It gives the family a chance to spend quality time together, doing new activities.  Downtime also allows children to learn to entertain themselves and have the time to explore their own interests, without somebody constantly directing them.  This goes a long way as they learn to monitor themselves and conduct themselves as individuals in the grander societal scheme.

A New Blog About OT, Parenthood, Child Development, and All Things Related

Welcome!  Thank you for visiting Child and Parent Occupational Wellness.  This site serves to be a resource and discussion area for parents, families, and professionals who are interested in topics related to overall family health and wellness and more specifically parent-child occupations.  As an occupational therapist who works with children and families, I hope to be able to supply helpful information for parents and children of all abilities. My aim is for this blog to be both personal and professional by bringing forth some of my own observations and experiences in my daily life as a woman engaged in the "occupation" of motherhood, as well as providing information on different topics related to family life, parenthood and child development.  I look forward to your feedback as the site develops!