With so many choices out there in society, it can be difficult to choose which activities and how many to put our children in. Of course, these choices are greatly affected by a child's age, family income, time constraints, and family dynamics. It seems that anywhere one looks as a parent, there is information flying at you telling you how to "make your child smarter", or "give your child an advantage" by putting them into different activities. No doubt that some activities are great for children. Aside from teaching them a specific skill such as a musical instrument, dance, or gymnastics, for example, these kinds of activities also promote social development, self confidence, and friendship.
The problem in today's society is that parents can easily fall into the "more is better" trap. That is, they want their child to be a part of as many different "extracurricular" activities as possible. What some people forget is that a child also needs downtime in their life, just as adults do. Children need time and space to just play, be home, and explore for themselves. I think that as parents, we can allow ourselves to be pressured at times into putting our children into things even when we don't feel 100% comfortable with it. It may be due to societal pressures, or pressures from other parents who push their children into a myriad of activities. Parents also feel that the world is so competitive that if they give their child a "headstart", it will benefit them greatly later in life (which could be true, if done the right way). A friend of mine recently felt guilty that her daughter, who is 4 years old, was not going to be able to continue her gymnastics class because she was going to be in school until 4pm everyday. I tried to remind her that though she would not be going to the gymnastics class, her daughter's day would now be filled with other activities during her school day. Schedules change and children grow; there will be other times to take a gymnastics class again.
Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld is an expert in child psychiatry and a co-author of the book: The Overscheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyperparenting Trap. He recommends the following fundamental principles to assist you in making decisions that will work best for your family regarding this issue.
- Limit activities
- Develop Healthy Skepticism
- Give Yourself a Break
- Family is a Priority
- Buyer Beware
- Character Counts
- Be Unproductive
- Childhood is a Preparation, not a Performance
- Pleasure has a Place in Parents' Lives
- Pleasure has a Place in Kids' Lives, too!
- Leave Empty Spaces on Your Calendar
- There is no Single, Right Way to Parent
- Trust Yourself
For more in-depth explanation of these principles and to learn more about hyperparenting/oversheduling children, click on these links: How to Avoid the Hyperparenting Trap and Hyperparenting: the Overscheduled Child, Brown University Newsletter April 2001
I am a proponent of organized activities for children. Especially in this day and age, when parents are fearful of letting their children play unsupervised outside, it is wonderful to have such choices of kids' activities out there. However, one must know their child well and read their cues. Some children can handle more than others. Some children enjoy doing lots of different activities, while others may tire of it, become uninterested, and withdraw. The biggest key is monitoring your child's happiness. Don't forget that downtime at home can be fun, relaxing, and healthy. It gives the family a chance to spend quality time together, doing new activities. Downtime also allows children to learn to entertain themselves and have the time to explore their own interests, without somebody constantly directing them. This goes a long way as they learn to monitor themselves and conduct themselves as individuals in the grander societal scheme.
